Welp...herpes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
