as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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