Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
