I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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