Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
