i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
