You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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