Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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