how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize