You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
