I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
