Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Are my feet made of real feet?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
