forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
