you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Damn victory sex feels great
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
