So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
