Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
