I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
