Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
