either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
