If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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