There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
