I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
