i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
