could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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