we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
