He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
