One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
