Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
