just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
