How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
