Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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