Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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