he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize