u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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