Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
