You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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