based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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