what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
