I wish I could teleport
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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