I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
