We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it because I queefed?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
