I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
