Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize