a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
