I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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