Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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