WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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