I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
