I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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