I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
