u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Enjoy the penises
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
