Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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