I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
