You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
