i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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