am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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