Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
