Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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