Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
