I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
