Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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