Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
