yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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