At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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