So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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