He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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