But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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