On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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