like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
