He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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