why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
