Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
