Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
