I'm really into asian looking animals
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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