i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
