idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
