So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
