I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
