my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize