just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
