I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just tell him i said nine months
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
