a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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