I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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