too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
