Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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