Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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