Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I stole a fireplace last night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
