I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
