one two three fourrrrnication!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
