We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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