i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
