i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
