she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
