i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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