please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
