I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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